amalgam in my mouth

I’m eager to write. But I do not know where I should start, and how to start. There are a lot things happen. And totally change my world. Alhamdulillah, syukran Ya Allah for letting my track being smooth. Tak henti – henti sujud padaMu. Syukurku. And the first person I let the news spread is my mom. 

“ Mak, Nana pass “ it’s a simple word. Tapi sangat besar maknanya bagi insan yang bergelar aku. Seperti menebus kesilapan lampau yang pernah mengecewakan insan yang bernama ibu. Ingin aku lukis sebanyak mungkin senyuman buatmu hingga akhir jasadku sepanjang aku bergelar anakmu. I’m going to paint your smile with my color. And I’m promised u, I’ll never let u down again for being like a stupid daughter in this world.

Another history: someone is putting AMALGAM in my mouth.

Semalam dengan bangganya aku menjadi patient terhormat Ayai. I just love her work. Shuttt! Jangan kasi dia baca, nanti dia kembang. Ya, actually da lama tunggu turn. I was planned to seal my 47 even though it make my tooth ugly. Since the fissure is too deep I’ve to seal it before its turn to be worse. And it’s come to what I’m scared most.

Ayai : Doctor, saya da siap scaling. So nak proceed sealant or biarkan dulu.
Dr. Lailatul : No. No. u just precedes PRR (Preventive Resin Restoration) on 47.
Aya: Ok.

Ayai: haha. Rosze, ko dengar tak? Aku terpaksa drill gigi ko sikit.
Aku : ( Ayai, aku kecewa benornye…tapi…) Yela. Aku redha. Ko buatlah. Ko buat cantik – cantik tau.
Ayai: Aku buat yang terbaik!

And she starts drilling my 47. I feel so bad to my tooth.

Ayai: Alamak Rosze. Macam dalam je. Macam nak kene buat class 1 amalgam.
Aku :Oh, my bad! I hate it. Why its end like this. Boleh tak ko letak composite? Aku tak nak amalgam. Insteadkalau buat kat luar ni aku kene bayar 250 untuk composite. (Nak demand pulak)

Ayai: Dr, saya da siap. Tapi kene buat class 1 since da dalam.
Dr.Lailatul: ok.
Ayai : Dr, i want t0 put composite, on top I’ll put fissure sealant.
Dr.lailatul : No. No. U put amalgam.

Again my bad. Kali ni betul-betul redha. Mungkin inilah takdir. Wawawa. And I asked her for a mirror. Trying to laugh. Nganga besar-besar. Nasib baik tak nampak sangat.Ayai aku tahu ko pun actually sedih on behalf of mine. Could not treat your patient a.k.a friend as plan. I’m not blaming U my dear. Instead I’m happy for helping you complete your requirement. May same goes to me. Walaupun dalam hati sebenarnya sangat kecewa. Haha

its should end up like this. Very aesthetic. But i’ve redo it every 3-4 years. Tunggu la nanti da kerja, Rm250  tu mungkin da tak rasa mahal. Hehe

finally, macam ni pula jadinya… poor my teeth. But this one is too large. Mine is just a little portion on distal part. Its not easy to capture. So, i just find one like mine.

Treasure of my life

For all I’ve
been blessed with in this life
There was an emptiness in me
I was imprisoned by the power of gold
With one honest touch, you set me free Let the world stop turning
Let the sun stop burning
Let them tell me love’s not worth going through If it all falls apart
I will know deep in my heart
The only dream that mattered had come true
In this life, I was Loved by you For every mountain I have climbed
And every raging river crossed
You were the treasure that I longed to find
Without you love I would be lost
In this life, I was loved by you

 

Its have been a year. Thanks to Allah for letting me know another way of love. For letting me hurt for years. And after all I could still wake up to be another strong girl, smile and light up others life.